Husband refuses to go to destination birthday party for 2-year-old of wife's friends after letting them stay in their home for two weeks and not receiving thanks: 'We fed them and met all their needs'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 13, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

In times of need, a little support can go a long way in helping people. Many would argue that during events such as extreme weather or natural disasters, it is a necessity for those who have more to pitch in and help those who are the worst affected. The only way out is through, and that isn't happening without some help when you are dealing with the worst luck.

There are not really any etiquette guides out there that have specifically been written with accepting help after a natural disaster in mind, and arguably, there doesn't need to be. However, this is also the kind of thing that has to be considered on a case-by-case basis. If you benefit from somebody else's generosity and then are able to get back on your feet, showing a gesture of gratitude can be an important thing to do. After all, it is nice to be nice.

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    Cheezburger Image 10478959104
    via Picsea

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is an issue that one man grappled with after he and his wife allowed some friends to stay with them for a couple of weeks while they looked for somewhere to rent after their house got destroyed in a storm. After they moved into their new place, they didn't really make a gesture of thanks that, over time, led the man to be resentful. 

    The final straw was when these former guests decided to throw a destination birthday for their two-year-old. Most guests declined, and while they begged the man and his wife to come, he was reluctant because of how they had reacted to their hospitality. His wife was upset, and he wasn't sure if he went too far.

  • 02

    AITA for expecting some gratitude after taking a family in for two weeks, then using that to justify why I don't want to travel for a birthday party?

    Much of our area was severely damaged in the South Carolina storms. We took in a family of three for two weeks after there home was damaged severely after a storm. It was two adults and an 18 month old, and they are my spouses close friends.
    via allmakesCROOK
  • 03
    We fed them and met all their needs until they got into their rental home. This family is doing okay financially, but I'm sure this didn't help and I wasn't going to make them pay for a hotel or even pay us to stay. We wanted to take care of them. After they left, they continued on with their lives - Going to amusement parks, posting adventures on social media, spending money on nice dinners, etc.
    via allmakesCROOK
  • 04
    At first it didn't bother me, but as I started seeing them move on with their lives, I felt kinda disrespected that we opened our home to them for two-weeks and they couldn't show some gesture of gratitude. No card, no bottle of whisky, flowers, no offering to buy dinner one of the nights (instead we fed them our food the whole time). Any show of gratitude would have been awesome, but they didn't do anything. I forgot about it and we continued on with our lives and friendship.
    via allmakesCROOK
  • 05
    Last week, one of them begged us to go to their destination birthday party for their kid. They are having trouble getting people to go, with most RSVP being declined on the Facebook post. They saw I declined, and they called us pleading us to go. It is about two-hours away, and probably would have involved us paying for a hotel room that night and going to an amusement park, as well. My wife suggested we do it to support them on their girls 2-year-old birthday.
    via allmakesCROOK
  • 06
    I was repulsed and said "no way", citing above lack of gratitude for what we did for them after Hurricane Helene. She said ITA for declining for those reasons, and I'm being petty. She was short with me for a while after that, saying they didn't have to do anything and that we should go since none of their other close friends are going to their party.
    via allmakesCROOK
  • 07
    I don't feel like I'm in the wrong here. I would never crash someones home for two-weeks and not show some gesture of gratitude. When they begged us for another favor, I felt zero sympathy for their plight and made me respect them even less. If it was any of our other friends, we would go, but I'm not wasting my time or money for them. . My wife is asking me to In I feel like it is they who are the reconsider, saying ITA for expecting gratitude.
    via allmakesCROOK
  • 08

    Although opinions were mixed, many people felt he wasn't being that unreasonable.

    K_A_irony NTA. Just say, "Sorry Bob... money is tight since we have to catch up on expenses. Our grocery bill was nuts in (say month they stayed with you)." Also who does a destination birthday party for a TWO YEAR OLD?
    via K_A_irony
  • 09
    Ancient-Highlight112 It's a birthday party for a 2 yr old. Think about that. Send a nice gift and decline to travel. OTOH, when you help someone in need, you do it from generosity, not to get resentful "thank yous". "...none of their other friends are going to their party." They should invite other 2 yr olds, not adults.
    via Ancient-Highlight112
  • 10
    allmakesCROOK OP To be fair, we have a kid too but they invited other adults who dont have kids.
    via allmakesCROOK
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    RB1327 I was repulsed and said "no way", citing above lack of gratitude for what we did for them after Hurricane Helene. She said ITA for declining for those reasons, and I'm being petty. ->There is a completely legit reason for declining the invitation: it's hours away and it's for a 2yo's birthday. You should have stuck to that instead of jumping on your soapbox about gratitude. Party- or-no-party isn't what makes you an a h le. YTA. Your wife wanted to help them out with no strings attached b
    via RB1327
  • 12
    LindonLilBlueBalls An actual friend would have thanked the people letting them live in their house for two weeks. Realizing someone you thought was a friend, but their actions showed otherwise, is not actually your friend is a perfectly valid reason not to attend a birthday party.
    via LindonLilBlueBlls
  • 13
    benjm88 Yep if someone had taken me in I'd be offering to pay for that trip as a thanks. There's a difference between doing something on return for a favour v wanting at least a little bit of a thanks
    via benjm88
  • 14
    StrangerOnReddit NTA. The whole house stay thing aside, a destination party for a 2 year old?! That's reason enough not to go. I certainly wouldn't spend money on a hotel just for that.
    via Stranger0nReddit
  • 15
    Neutral_Guy_9 NTA You can decline a bday party for any reason you want. I agree that it is in poor taste of them to not give you guys so much as a thank-you-card or something for taking them in.
    via Neutral_Guy_9
  • 16
    blueswan6 NTA for not wanting to go but you do have a bigger issue here. Your wife wants to go. If you've decided that you want to cut them out of your life you're going to have to discuss this with your wife. If they had invited you to the birthday party at their house, would you have gone? You have to decide where you're drawing the line and discuss this with your wife. It doesn't seem like they're ever going to acknowledge all that you did for them and it looks like you might not be able to l
    via blueswan6
  • 17
    allmakesCROOK OP My wife ultimately decided she didn't want to deal with all of that because its ridiculous for a two-year olds party but I still thought my reasoning was flawed.
    via allmakesCROOK
  • 18
    Majortwist_80 NTA there are people in the world who believe things are meant for them and they take with no appreciation. They are doing it again with the party.
    via Majortwist_80
  • 19
    LindonLilBlueBalls NTA. If they can't even muster a "Thanks for letting is stay at your house for two weeks." Then they aren't actually friends. It really seems they only want you to go because nobody else is willing to go and you have already proven to be easily pushed out of your comfort zone for them.
    via LindonLilBlueBlls
  • 20
    StAlvis ESH destination birthday party for their kid Lol wat? I felt kinda disrespected that we opened our home to them for two-weeks and they couldn't show some gesture of gratitude. No card, no bottle of whisky, flowers, no offering to buy dinner one of the nights (instead we fed them our food the whole time). Any show of gratitude would have been awesome, but they didn't do anything. No. That's fine.
    via StAlvis
  • 21
    We wanted to take care of them. Then that should have been enough for you. Honestly, the second someone starts whining about "disrespect," I know exactly the sort of personality I'm dealing with. And this is neither here nor there, but: AITA for expecting some gratitude after taking a family in for two-weeks opened our home to them for two-weeks It is about two-hours away I would never crash someones home for two-weeks and not show some gesture of gratitude FFS my dude, if you're going to keep u
    via StAlvis
  • 22
    religionlies2u NTA not even a thank you for staying in your home? And then acting like business as usual afterward without including you in even one dinner? Ride. Just r de. I'm actually surprised by all the people in the comments who think you should just open up your home for the sake of being "nice" and then not be miffed when your generosity is unacknowledged and ignored. I wonder how many people they've let live rent free in their houses for half a month, providing food and shelter. Maybe y
    via religionlies2u
  • 23
    DesignerPumpkins YTA, not for declining the party and not wanting to go, but because you think ppl experiencing the hardest moments of their lives should thank you with a gift of some kind. If you're being kind to be kind, then that should be the end of it. WOW.
    via DesignerPumpkins
  • 24
    300dumbusername Having lived through a disaster myself, I can honestly say that I am eternally grateful to the family that let us stay in their little apartment for a couple weeks when we evacuated. It's such a huge disruption and so difficult to rebuild/clean up and try to hire someone to fix leftover issues, get permits, try for FEMA help, so many things. I thanked the host family and I will never forget their kindnes. I dearly hope they didn't expect more than our thanks! We were so busy and
    via 300dumbusername
  • 25
    Germanofthebored YTA - they lost their house. You were kind enough to offer them shelter for 2 weeks (Which is a very nice thing to do, don't get me wrong). But it's not a favor like letting somebody stay over at your beach house. It's more like giving first aid at an accident. Would you expect to get a bottle of Whiskey if you did CPR on a victim? So I think being pissy for not being thanked enough by a very stressed out family is not a great thing.
    via Germanofthebored
  • 26
    Exciting-Peanut-1526 ESH but you are mixing things up. A destination birthday party for a 2yo is bonkers, you can not go on that fact alone. But also not go because it'll cost a hotel, gas, time, etc etc. You can be upset they didn't offer a gift or anything only IF they didn't verbally say thank you. You can't be okay with them staying and saying how you want to take care of them only to turn around and say that you resent it. For that you are an AH, but not for the destination birthday party.
    via Exciting-Peanut-1526
  • 27
    tcd1401 NTA. I'm happy to go against the grain a bit. I'm sure you helped because you and your wife wanted to. Good for you. But i agree that not even a thank you is pretty bad. A card expressing their gratitude is just about the least that could be expected. I can't imagine that at least by NOW, when they serm to have recovered enough to throw a big bash for a 2-year-old (a bit odd), they haven't thought back to what you did for them and decided, Boy, we owe them dinner or to pay for their hote
    via tcd1401

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